Introduction
         As I was preparing for Rachel and Brady's wedding yesterday I was reminded of what goes into planning for a wedding. It can be intense and tiresome. But some couples spend more time planning a wedding then they do preparing for a marriage. They spend more time worrying about what is the perfect vegetable to serve with the entree than what they will do to build a strong and lasting marriage. I know. I have seen it.

         I have had couples who didn't want to spend $25.00 for a questionnaire that would help point out strengths and weaknesses in their relationship. While at the same time not  bat an eye at spending $40.00 for an aisle runner that is thrown away 5 mins after the wedding ceremony is over. As a photographer I had to take many pictures out of my sample albums because in 2-5 years the were no longer married.

I. The Problem
    A. Statistics
         Healthy, strong marriages whether Christian or not, are a rarity today. There is 1 divorce for every 1.8 marriages. I don't have the numbers but while I was in seminary I read that the divorce rate among  vangelicals is approaching that of the national average and within a few years will surpass it.

    B. The Reasons

QUESTION: What do you think have been the contributing factors to the rise in the divorce rate
                       and the general deteriorated state of marriage?

         According to John MacArthur, Contributing to this trend are:
             -immorality, adultery, fornication, homosexuality, abortion, women's liberation, and delinquency to name a few.

         Perhaps all this is symptomatic of an even greater problem that has been with us from the Garden of Eden. Satan's
greatest tool against 'God's Pattern for the Family' is man himself.  We are at war with our own selfish desires and we are losing the battle miserably.

QUESTION: In what ways does the pursuit of 'self' hurt  marriage and family relationships?

         -In society today we are encouraged to forget your commitments and responsibilities in order to 'find ourselves'.
         -We demand and take Individual rights and privileges regardless of how it affects others.
         -Our Constitution gives us the right to the pursuit of happiness and we take that right to the max, most often at the
           expense of others.
         -Other's take second or third place to our needs and desires
         -Keeping commitments, sacrifice, being a man or woman of your word are counter-productive.
         -And we bring this 'me first' attitude into the marriage. Often not in the beginning.
        -We go out of the way to be nice and to 'prove' to our spouse we love them by giving in.
              -But that gets old very quickly and the 'me' begins to show itself.
              -From that time on if nothing is done, the marriage is doomed.
        -Sometimes this 'me first' attitude is brought into the marriage from the beginning but rarely is it shared with the spouse.
              -'I will change him when we get married' (to what I want and like).
              -'I will give into her now so I can get her, then I will do what I want'.

II. The Solution

 KEY: A good marriage is not based entirely on finding the right person.
                      It is even more important that you be the right person.

QUESTION: Do you agree?  Why?

    A. A Different Standard
         As Christians, Believers not only in Jesus Christ but in God's holy Word, we have been called to a much higher standard that the rest of the world.

READ: Eph. 4:1-2, 17-24;   2 Cor. 6:17;   Rom. 12:1-2, 10;  Phil. 2:2-4; Heb. 13:4

 KEY:  Always remember, your spouse is not only your wife or husband, but if they are a Christian,
            he or she is a child of God and your brother or sister in the Lord.

         Christian marriages ought to display a different pattern than the world. A pattern that is not secret or hidden from us. It is clearly revealed in God's Word.

    B. Where to Begin
        1. In order to experience marriage as God intended it, you both must be in a right relationship with God,
             the creator and author of marriage.

            a. You must be a Christian.
                -It is a personal decision to ask Jesus into your heart. To repent, tell God you are sorry for your sins ands that you
                 desire to walk away from a life in sin. To believe that He can and will  forgive your sins and save you  from the
                 wages of  your sin: death. To claim the free gift of eternal life.

QUESTION: Does this mean non-Christians can not have good marriages?

         No, but they will be limited. They can never know the total fulfillment  that comes from having God as the center of the marriage relationship.

            b. You must be an active, growing Christian.
                -Good marriages don't come by default, even to the Believer.
                -If you are slack in your relationship with the Lord, your marriage will suffer.
                -Good marriages don't come with regular attendance to 'church' or 'church activities'(although this is good)
                -Good marriages happen when both are Christians and both are on the journey to maturity in Christ.

QUESTION: What actions and attitudes are found on the journey to maturity in Christ?

         -When they each seek to know God's face and His will.
         -When they each are determined to walk in the manner in which they have been called.
         -When each are obedient to God's revealed Word.
         -When each worship God in truth and in spirit.
         -When each displays the one anothers in Scripture because they are seen as meant for them too.
         -When they each are filled with the Spirit of God.

QUESTION: Does this mean all Christians will have happy, productive marriages?

          -Unfortunately, No.
          -At times your partner may not be journeying toward maturity in Christ.
          -One may refuse to submit to God's leading and authority in their lives and marriage.
         -Your spouse may not be a Believer at all.

QUESTION: Should that discourage you?

          -Definitely Not.
          -Ultimately YOU are responsible to God for both your relationship with Him and your relationship with your spouse.
          -It is more important that you are faithful to God and His Word when it  comes to your marriage commitment than it is
            your have warm feelings in your marriage.
          -God honors those who are faithful to Him and His Word. Seek to honor God in your marriage regardless of how your
            spouse reacts.
          -The result will possibly be a better marriage but will definitely be a  closer, more intimate walk with God.

        2. In order to experience marriage as God intended it, you both must have an  understanding of what God
             intended marriage to be.

              a. Marriage is ordained / instituted by God. (Gen. 2:22-23)

QUESTION: Why is this important?
        -There are then guidelines and direction on how to live in marriage.

               b. Marriage is a covenant / promise. (Mal. 2:14)

QUESTION: Why is this important?
         -Because marriage is not to be entered into lightly, it is a promise to each other and to God.
         -Broken promises to God are treated severely in Scripture.

               c. Marriage is designed by God for specific reasons:
                   -Loneliness: READ: Gen. 2:18
                   -Sexual intimacy:  READ: Gen. 2:24
                   -Godly children : READ: Gen. 1:28; Mal. 2:15
                   -Permanency: READ: Gen. 2:24-25; Mal. 2:16; Matt. 19:1-15
                   -Symbolic of Christ and His Church: READ: Eph. 5:32

         3. In order to experience marriage as God intended it, both must understand what a Christian Marriage is.

QUESTION: What is the definition of a Christian Marriage?

         -A Christian marriage is a total commitment of two people to the person of Jesus Christ, and to one another.
           It is a commitment in which there is no holding back of anything.

         -Marriage is a pledge of mutual fidelity; it is a partnership of mutual subordination.

         -A Christian marriage is a covenant made in the sight of God and in the presence of  fellow  members of the Christian
           family. It is a covenant more solemn, more binding,  more permanent than any legal contract.

         -Christian marriage is the decision to minister to your spouse, for their good, for their growth. It is not manipulating them
           to get what you want out of the relationship.

         -Christian marriage is realizing that you are the one primarily responsible for the spiritual growth and development of your
           spouse. Regardless of their response or cooperation. You have more  influence over your spouse than anyone else.
           Besides themselves, you are the primary caretaker of  their spiritual  journey.

         -You must always remember, your spouse is a child of God and as such deserves your respect.