Before we began our study on "The Excellent Wife" we had some fun pulling out differences in men and women based upon the secular work of John Gray entitled Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. I'd like to read through a few of them. Feel free to comment on any of them at any time.

    The book we are studying is called The Excellent Wife - A Biblical Perspective by Martha Peace. Since so many in our group are involved in other ministries, we decided that we would read a chapter before we came to our meeting and then in class we would altogether work through the Study Guide.  This is working out fine but it is a slow process.  We have had some very good discussions and we do not feel a need to hurry through the material.

     The book is separated into four parts and I have printed up a copy of the subject matter to give you an idea of what the study consists.  The portion of the title "A Biblical Perspective" is most important for us to grasp.  The author starts out with the very basics of who we are as sinners and builds on how God has compensated for that by providing all we need to become "The Excellent Wife".  She helps us see through Scripture that we are without excuse.

Part I
    A Wife's Understanding starts out with defining The Excellent Wife as found in Proverbs 31. You have probably noticed on the wall downstairs in Burtt Hall that we have copied Martha Peace's illustration.  As a beautiful flower in the light of the morning sun, reflects the glory of God's creation, an excellent wife reflects God's glory by her attitudes and actions.  She might look like that illustration.  If you haven't taken notice, do so.

    Taking from Peg Rankin's Book "How to Care for the Whole World and Still Take Care of Yourself", I'd like us to take a couple of minutes to look at Proverbs 31:10-31.

Read: Prov. 31:10-31

Question:   Look at all the adjectives that describe this virtuous woman.
                   How many relate to her works or actions?
                   How many relate to her character or attitude?
                   On which does her worth (vs.10) depend, character or works.
                   How does character affect works?

    What is inside our hearts drastically effects what we do. If we're not dedicated, properly motivated, or lazy, etc. our results will reflect this and perfection will not be attained.

Question: Do works affect character?

    Yes, too many can make us become unhappy, unkind, unwise, or do a half hearted job. If we accomplish a lot of so called good works as identified by the world we could become prideful and puffed up, forgetting who gives us our abilities.

Question: How does the fact that the virtuous woman puts God first (vs. 23 & 30) affect her relationship with
                 her husband (vs.28)? her children (vs.28)? her community (vs.20)?

    Her husband can take care of his affairs in the community and know that his wife is managing the home well. He praises her and so do the children. The community profits from her generosity and compassion.

Question: How can we reword this to our modern day?

    The husband can go to work and get involved in his many endeavors knowing that his wife has everything on the home front in order.

    A proper blend of having the right character so as to perform the right works as exemplified by this virtuous woman is what we are striving to develop in this study.

UNDERSTANDING OUR ROLE

    Since our role was assigned by God, we have to realize that He has the insight as both our Creator and Redeemer.  Or we could say, "Father, God, Knows Best".  We need to look at this from God's Perspective if our desire as Christian wives is to glorify Him.

1. Both man and woman are created in the image of God. (Genesis 1:27 And God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.) We talked about what that meant.  God has an intellect. He has emotions. He is a spirit. He is righteous and holy. (We were created with all these characteristics, even righteousness and holiness and we could enjoy fellowship with Him.  But once sin entered the world that fellowship was broken.  We were no longer righteous and holy so now the only way we can have fellowship with God is through the work of the Lord Jesus Christ in our behalf.)   But getting back to being created in God's image, we have certain tasks as His "image-bearer":
We are to rule over creation. (Gen. 1:26) We are to do all to the glory of God.  ( 1 Cor. 10:31)

2. Because we are created by God, we are accountable to Him. Therefore, we have the task of making responsible choices: Choose this day whom you will serve. (Joshua 24:15)  The world is accountable to God (Romans 3:19)

3. In God's sovereign choice, man was created first.  This becomes significant in the roles He has assigned:
The husband was created to rule over the earth. The wife, created later, was to be the suitable helper for him, in this task.
Both were created in God's image but given different roles.

4. Woman was created for man, not vise versa.  This was God's original intent. (1 Cor. 11:7-9  For the man is the image and glory of God; but the woman is the glory of man.  For man does not originate from woman, but woman from man; for indeed man was not created for the woman's sake, but woman for the man's sake.)
Man is to glorify God.Woman is to glorify man.

    OUR ROLE MODELS

    I.  In the Trinity, there is perfect harmony.
        satisfaction in roles
            God, the Father, is the Planner
            Jesus, the Son, carries out the plan
            Holy Spirit also carries out the plan and keeps and empowers the believer
        no "power plays"
        no role confusion

    II. Jesus describes the work and role of both Himself and the Holy Spirit
        John 9:4 - Jesus
        John 8:28,29 - Jesus
        John 14:26 - Holy Spirit

    III. The Trinity is our role model for directing the glory.
        John 16:13-14  The Holy Spirit glorifies Christ
        John 17:4  Christ glorifies the Father

    Just as Christ glorified the Father by doing the Father's "work", we wives are to glorify our husbands by doing the husband's "work". Our role is to glorify our husbands.  We were created for him. In doing this we are also glorifying God who created us for this role.

5. Judgment resulted from sin.
    One of the curses pronounced on man for sinning is found in Gen.3:16 where woman's desire is to control or overtake her husband and the husband will rule or have power over her.  The war of the sexes begins.

    At this point in our study we heard some objections.  Did this verse really mean what I just stated?  I looked up to see what various commentaries said about "the curse placed upon Eve for her sin" and Pastor Bob provided me with insight as to the Hebrew word "desire" and its use in this verse.  It is found only two other places in the O.T. and Gen. 4:7 seems to have the same meaning.

    We looked at Woman Before the Fall, At the Fall, Result of the Fall. The punishment that was inflicted upon woman shows, though, how God has mixed Mercy with Wrath.  We know that He is a righteous judge and woman was deserving of punishment. John 16:21 tells us how a woman's sorrow in childbirth turns to joy when she sees the new life just brought forth. (Mercy) God in making woman subject to man, made her so to her own husband, not to a stranger, not to an enemy, not to the husband of another. (Mercy) The sentence was not a curse intended to bring her to ruin, but a chastisement, to bring her to repentance. Christ came to redeem us from the curse.  If we are truly "in Christ" we have the capacity to have the harmony in our marriages that God intended. We can be restored to the role assigned us before we fell into sin. SO…

6. Though sin entered the world, our roles remain unchanged. ( Eph.5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife,
    as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the Body….) The husband is "In Charge".  He is responsible for managing his home.  He delegates jobs and responsibilities including wives. One of the books I have looked at talks of running a race (through life).  We wives should be doing everything possible to help our husbands win the race.  We must never get in front of him, which would hinder him, but always stay behind him, supportive in every way, and pushing him to victory.

    So when we think of the husband being the one who is in charge, we can see the model of Christ and the Church. As the Church is submissive to Christ, the wife is to be submissive to her husband. Eph.5:22,24,32. Someone please read these verses.  The Church glorifies Christ and we wives are to use our energies to glorify our husbands.

    In order to be a helper suitable for our husbands, it is essential that we understand that we are not alone or helpless in the role that God has given us.  The proper reverence and respect for the living God can and should be an essential motivational factor in building a strong home.  The key lies not in my own effort or striving but in my choosing to be dependent upon the grace and wisdom and strength that I can receive from the Lord.

    We listed many verses which showed that God is gracious, righteous, compassionate, understanding and strong.  These qualities are unlimited…He knows what we want, desire, feel and need…He sees both the big finished picture and all of the individual puzzle pieces as well.  A wife's responsibility is to learn to put her confidence in the faithfulness of God and His Word…to do what He says to do.

    Sin, however, can get in the way of us carrying out our role, but since God gives us all the resources, we don't have to sin. We are filled with the Holy Spirit and are now free to think and do the right thing by His empowering grace.  Sin, therefore, is a choice.

    We have talked about sin, past and present and how to deal with it. All of us Christians bring into our marriages sinful habits of thinking and responding that hurt our marriages and grieve the Lord.  Repentance is a process that includes real work and time.  (1 Tim.4:7  tells us to discipline ourselves for the purpose of godliness.) (Rom.12:2 talks about the renewing of our minds) and if we continually work hard at this, eventually the godly response becomes automatic.  Repentance is not complete until you replace it with a godly, righteous thought. We have done some exercises in our workbook of  "Putting Off" Character Deficiencies and "Putting On" Character Qualities.

Part I - A Wife's Understanding  (Foundational Truths for the Excellent Wife)
    The Excellent Wife - Who Can Find?
        A Wife's Understanding of God - God's Protective Authority
        A Wife's Understanding of Sin - God's Provision
        A Wife's Understanding of Relationships - God's Pattern
        A Wife's Understanding of Marriage - God's Purpose
        A Wife's Understanding of Her Role - God's Perfect Plan

Part II - A Wife's Responsibility (Faithful Commitments of the Excellent Wife)
    Christ - The Wife's Heart
    Home - The Wife's Domain
    Love - The Wife's Choice
    Respect - The Wife's Reverence
    Intimacy - The Wife's Response
    Submission - The Wife's Joy

Part III - A Wife's Submission (Fulfillment of the Excellent Wife)
    Biblical Submission - Basis of the Wife's Protection
    God's Provision - Resources for the Wife's Protection
    Honoring Christ - Key to the Wife's Motivation
    Communication - Control of the Wife's Tongue
    Conflict - Quietness of the Wife's Spirit

Part IV - A Wife's Special Concerns (Sin Problems of the Excellent Wife)
    The Wife's Anger - Overcoming Impatience
    The Wife's Fear - Overcoming Anxiety
    The Wife's Loneliness - Overcoming a Lack of Oneness
    The Wife's Sorrow - Overcoming a Broken Heart

Works                                                                           Character

Fruit of her hands (vs.31)                                                 Worth more than rubies (vs. 10)
Purchases wool & flax (vs. 13)                                         Trustworthy (vs.11)
Willingly works with hands (vs.13)                                    Good (vs.12)
Brings food home (vs.14)                                                  Strong (vs. 17 & 25 )
Rises at night to prepare food for house-                           Awareness (vs. 18)
     hold and servant s (vs. 15)                                           Generous  (vs. 20)
Makes wise purchases (vs. 16)                                         Compassionate (vs. 20)
Uses profits wisely (vs.16)                                                Unafraid  (vs. 21)
Works at night (vs. 18)                                                     Honorable (vs. 25)
Makes her own thread (vs. 19)                                         Happy (vs.25)
Gives to the poor (vs. 20)                                                 Wise  (vs.26)
Clothes her family (vs.21)                                                  Kind  (vs.26)
Makes her own clothing (vs. 22)                                        Keeps busy (not idle) (vs.27)
Sews and sells her goods (vs. 24)                                      Praiseworthy  (vs.28)
Oversees her household (27)                                             God fearing (vs.30)
 

1. Woman was created equal to man
2 Woman was created to be his helper. This was a complementary relationship; what one lacked the other supplied.
   Both share in the image of God.
3. Man ruled with wisdom and love.
4. Woman obeyed (helped) with humility and meekness.
5. Each sex was happy and content with the role God gave them.  There was no grievance; no complaints.

    We have a perfect example of how this should work in the triune Godhead.  God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit each have their separate roles. There is satisfaction in their roles; no power plays exist and there is no role confusion.

1. Woman broke her divinely appointed role, in which she was happy and contented.
2. Woman emancipated herself from the man by deciding to listen to the serpent.

Question: (What should she have done when the serpent enticed her to eat of the fruit?)

3. Besides disobeying and listening to the serpent herself, she took the role of leader and led her husband into sin.
 

1. Woman was placed in a state of sorrow, which seems to be a fitting punishment for gratification of pleasure to which
    she succumbed.
    A. She was subjected to painful childbearing:
          (1) From conception their is discomfort.
          (2) The birth process is excrutiating pain.
          (3) She is tied down to the toils of nursing.
          (4) There is much sorrow in child rearing especially when the child makes foolish decisions or is down right evil.

    B. Inclusive in this state (according to Matthew Henry) is that being the tender  sex,
        grief and fear is more apt to enter our minds.

2. The woman was placed into a state of subjection. The whole sex, which by creation was equal with man, is for sin,
    made inferior, and forbidden to usurp authority.  (1Tim. 2:11-12)

ENCOURAGE / ER / MENT

    To be an encourager you need to have an attitude of optimism. Encouragement is recognizing the other person as having worth and dignity.  It means paying attention to them when they are sharing with you. It's listening to them in a way that lets them know they're listened to.

    Encouragement validates that what the person is doing or saying makes sense. You show your respect for that person as well. You rephrase the negatives into positives by discovering the constructive elements in situations, such as identifying strengths and focusing on their efforts and contributions.

    Encouragement is not a deficit-oriented approach.  You need to go against our culture which is a mistake-oriented culture. Would our husbands say we are more equipped to point out mistakes, weaknesses, or liabilities rather than strengths?

    Encouragement and acceptance go hand in hand.

    Encouragement means you show faith in the person and their potential.  It's believing in them without the evidence that they are believable.

    If we anticipate that our husbands will do their best, it becomes easier to encourage them along the way.  Raise your anticipation level and you raise their achievement level.

    Encouragement takes work…constant, consistent work…for it to be effective. Discover the strengths in your man, his potential and by encouragement watch him develop.

    Encouragement means you honor and respect your husband because you believe in him.  Often he then lives in a way worthy of being honored.

    When you are an encourager you exercise the quality (spiritual gift) of gentleness.

    To be a consistent encourager we must reflect the characteristics of 1Cor. 13.

    Encourage our man through prayer.  Carole Mayhall, writing in Today's Christian Woman suggests the following.
        Make it a point to commit five minutes a day to pray just for your husband.  Pray a different scripture for him each month, as well as other specific requests that God puts on your heart. And keept a prayer list specifically for him.  The list might look something like this:

        For my husband: (put the date you begin praying)  Colossians 1:9-12
            That he would be filled with the knowledge of God's will.
            That he would have spiritual wisdom and understanding.
            That he would live a life worthy of God.
            That he would please God in every way.
            That he would be strengthened with God's power for patience and endurance.
            That he would have a thankful spirit.
            That he would develop a friendship with a committed Christian who would Challenge him.
            That God would give him a hunger and thirst for himself and His Word.

                 Write down the answers when they come and date them.

What every husband needs is an abundance of encouraging responses and an absence of discouraging ones.
 

    As we continue to study this subject next year and tackle such things as intimacy, submission, communication, conflict, anger, fear, loneliness and sorrow, I pray that each one of our husbands will recognize our attempts to become the Excellent Wife of Scripture and that our marriages will grow stronger and be more pleasing to our God and Creator.