ILL: BONN, Germany -- A German group of psychologists, physicians and insurance companies who cooperated on a research project, designed to find the secret to long life and success, made a surprising discovery. The secret?  Kiss your wife each morning when you leave for work!  The meticulous German researchers discovered that men who kiss their wives every morning have fewer automobile accidents on their way to work than men who omit the morning kiss.  The good-morning kissers miss less work because of sickness and earn 20 to 30 percent more money than non-kissers.  How do they explain their findings?  According to West Germany's Dr. Arthur Szabo, "A husband who kisses his wife every morning begins the day with a positive attitude."

ILL: In the play, My Fair Lady,  Eliza is being courted by Freddy, who writes to her daily of his love for her.  Eliza's response to his notes is to cry out in frustration:

   Words!  Words!  I'm so sick of words!... Don't talk of stars Burning above, If you're in love, Show me! Don't talk of love lasting through time.  Make me no undying vow  Show me now!

   We need more than words to experience a loving relationship.  We need to be shown.  We need to let our love be seen!

ILL: Of course, the Christian should love his wife. He is supposed to love his neighbor, and since his wife is his nearest neighbor, she should be his deepest love. - Martin Luther

Question: Men, what does 'loving your wife' mean to you?
      This is not only a command for the men..women are to love their husbands as well.
      Women, what does 'loving your husband' mean to you?

    A. Biblical Basis for loving your spouse.
 1. John 15:11-13 'These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full. This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends.'

Question Why do you think the Bible instruct us to love one another over and over again?

  Because God knows, we need to make the "choice" to Love, everyday of our lives. There is nothing magical about love. All the romance books and movies lead us all to believe that love is this special thing  that only the "lucky" seem to have and it is something you can FALL into and FALL out of as well.

Question: IS this right? Can one fall in love as well as out of love?  IF that is true, what then is love ?

   If you can fall in and out of love, love is relegated to nothing more than a whim or feeling.  Scripture says it is something much more. It is a choice made by grace. Each and every day you    must wake up and choose to love your spouse. Being emotionally or romantically in love and  choosing to be married does not mean everything will now take care of  itself. When we choose   to love our mates we are choosing to accept this person as another one of God's children, and the mate with which to spend our lifetime with.

Question: What does 'choosing to love' your spouse mean?

Choosing to love means:
 I choose to Love my husband/wife
 I choose to be patient with my mate
 I choose to be kind to my mate
 I choose to please my mate
 I choose to forgive my mate
 I choose to honor my mate
 I choose to trust my mate
 I choose to be understanding to my mate
 I choose to grow with my mate
 I choose to encourage my mate
 I choose to help my mate
 I choose to be truthful to my mate
 I choose to be faithful to my mate
 I choose to be unselfish with my mate
 I choose to be hopeful with my mate
 I choose to speak in love to my mate
 I choose to be my spouse's mate the rest of my life!

Question:  What "Choice" have you made today?

     Even if you are troubled in your marriage or your partner is not responding as you would like, we must still make the choice first in ourselves. Do not let your heart become hardend. Ask God for the strength for you to choose to "love" today. Expecting nothing in return, open your heart to the gift of Love.

 2. Three Types of Love

Eros: (love on the physical plane)
   It is best described as PASSION. Passion seeking satisfaction. It was not an     intrinsically evil word. It  was applied by Christian writers to our Lord. It referred    to love of children for their mother. In pagan writings it was used of love  between the sexes having as its chief characteristic the attraction of one sex for     the other. This sexual love plays an important role in marriage, building intimacy     and closeness. It is a way of expressing your "oneness" as a couple. It is part of "being fruitful and multiplying." And it is a source of sexual fulfillment-- a God given desire to be fulfilled only in marriage.  (See Prov. 5:15, 17-18) The word Eros is not found in the Bible although the concept of the word is.

Sterge: The one word which describes it is natural affection. It is a love which God placed within man when Adam was created. Without it the human race would     have destroyed itself long ago. This is a love which binds individuals together     such as husband and wife, parents and children, members of a commonwealth. It accounts for the virtues of generosity, kindness, courtesy, forgiveness, sympathy, self-sacrifice for the benefit of another in the unsaved. The KJV translates it by the words "natural affection" (Rom. 1:31; 2 Tim. 3:3).1

Phileo: (Emotional Love) The one word which describes it is freindship. The best  English words which will give the meaning are an affection, a fondness, a liking.     (See Jn. 11:3, 36; Rev. 3:19).
   It refers to the love that arises between individuals who have mutual interests. The world loves those who are its kindred spirits (cf. John 15:19). This love is not a less genuine love than agapao; it is simply a different kind of love. The     Lord has such love for His own (cf. John 11:3, 36; John 20:2; Rev. 3:19), and expects the same kind of love for Himself (cf. John 20:15–17; John 16:27; 1 Cor.16:22). The Father loves the Son with this type of love (John 5:20), and the sons also (John 16:27). And Paul uses the word to refer to the love of disciples for him in the faith (Titus 3:15)2

Agape: (Spiritual Love) The one word which indicates its character is unconditional. It  refers to a love which impels the one loving to deny self for the benefit of the one    loved (Believers). Paul further defines the word by saying that it is the love that is produced by the Holy Spirit in the yielded saint (Gal. 5:22). In 1 Corinthians 13  he pours a rich content of meaning by enumerating the virtues which are found in  it. It is a love devoid of sensuousness. See 1 John 1:8; 1 Peter 1:223 It is the love     that spends and is spent for its object, the love that self-sacrificially  gives. Agape is the love the husband is to have for his wife. It is more specifically defined by Paul in Ephesians by the clause, "as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it" (Eph. 5:25).

ILL: Authors such as Dwight Small can wax eloquent about the application of agape love to marriage:
   Agape is not born of a lover's need, nor does it have its source in the love object.  Agape doesn't exist in order to get what it wants but empties itself to give what the other needs. Its motives rise wholly from within its own nature.  Agape lives in order to die to self for the blessedness of caring for another, spending for another, spending itself for the sake of the beloved.

Paul says: "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it" (Eph. 5:25).  How can we ever hope to do this men? We can't apart from our yielding to the work of the HS in our lives.

 Husbands. you may feel like loving your wife "as Christ loved the church" is an impossible task.

READ: Romans 5:5

 God has given you the ability to do this through the power of His Holy Spirit. So make sure you follow Paul's admonition just a few verses prior to this description of the husband's role to "be filled with the spirit" (Ephesians 5:18).